How to Keep Busy With Limited Screen Time

I'm going to make an embarrassing admission.  We are television junkies in this house.  Introvert Dad has the TV on all the time, he even finds it comforting to fall asleep with the TV on in the background.  With the kids, it's often used as a crutch because they will watch happily for hours.  Or sometimes they won't even be watching it and it will just be on as background noise while they play something else.  They also love playing on my iPad, on the computer, the Nintendo DS, and the LeapPad.  And I love farting around on the computer, whether it's reading, Twitter, Facebook, or my current game addiction, Cnady Crush. There's no lack of screens in this house, that's for sure.  When my oldest was a baby, I would plunk her in the high chair with a Baby Einstein video playing and she was absolutely enthralled.  I was under no delusions that those videos would make her smarter, it was just a way to get things done around the house, or eat a meal in peace while she was occupied.  Again I'll admit, we used it too much.  I regret it and feel pretty awful when I think back, but I did better with the other two and haven't really used them (incidentally, the other two weren't interested in those videos as babies).

Now that everyone's home for the summer, I started really thinking about just how much TV they watch.  I started to feel a bit sick and realized  how much time we were all wasting.  I admire any family that goes completely TV-free, but there's no way Introvert Dad would go for that since it's his preferred method of relaxing.  So instead, I decided to limit screen time to one hour a day for each kid.  That might still be a lot to some, but for us, the TV was literally on all day, so this is a big adjustment for the kids.  That one hour includes any screen time, so not just the television.

There is some flexibility in there, since I'm not a complete ogre control freak.  If we want to have a family movie night on a Friday, of course we'll do that.  Or if it's a rainy day and the kids want to play a Mario Party game board, that takes longer than 30 minutes, I'll let them.  I love listening to the two older kids play together and come up with ways to keep themselves entertained.  I'm still learning how to keep them busy when boredom hits, and thought I'd offer some tips of what can be done instead of TV-watching.

1.  Colouring.  I keep a stack of colouring books on the dining room table with markers, crayons, and pencil crayons.  Right now this is the kids' preferred activity when they wake up in the morning.  They'll sit quietly and colour while I nurse the baby, have a coffee, and get breakfast started.

2.  Tub Time.  For some reason this is an excellent boredom buster in this house.  My oldest is getting to the point where soon she won't want to bathe with her younger brother, but for now it works for us.  They will literally play in there for an hour and I can sit on the toilet and read a book.  I let them take baths in our big soaker tub in the master bathroom since I can fold laundry on my bed and still have my eyes on them.  We also have these great Animal Planet toys that look very realistic - sharks, a killer whale, sperm whale, nd a few little other sea animals.  I don't think they're actually marketed as bath toys, but my son absolutely adores them.  I'll let my older daughter bring Littlest Pet Shop figurines in the tub and she enjoys that very much.

3.  Board Games.  Some of our favourites are Life on Earth Bingo, Hi-Ho Cherry-O, CandyLand, Hungry Hungry Hippos (not recommended when the baby's sleeping), any sort of "pop" game where you pop the dice in a dome (we have a Dora Pop game), and Memory.

4.  Play outside.  This could be just playing in the backyard - we have a playhouse and a climber out there -  or going out for a walk.  We have a duck pond that's only about a ten minute walk from our house.  I love going there with the kids because we see all sorts of neat things.  We saw a mama duck with her babies, we've caught frogs and froglets and turtles (we release them after watching them for a bit), butterflies, and other bugs.  We even found a "secret place" off the beaten path with a makeshift bridge across a shallow stream, big rocks, climbing trees, and a section of tall swishy grass.  I love letting them explore nature.

5. Bike rides.  I can't do this with the baby since she's too small to wear a helmet in our bike trailer, but it's fun for the older two.  We're still working on getting rid of the training wheels for both of the big kids.

6.  Head out to the park.  We have some nice parks in our neighbourhood so we try to check them all out and find our favourites.  If it's a far walk, I'll put the baby and the four year old in the double stroller and let my oldest ride her scooter to the park.  There are many bike paths in our neighbourhood which makes getting around with kids on wheels easier.

7.  Read books.  We'll take a stack of books into the living room and just read together.  Sunshine and I read Charlotte's Web together last month, which was a good introduction to chapter books.

8.  Just playing.  I don't even have to intervene and the kids will find their own fun.  Boredom's great for the imagination.  They'll play house, school, vet clinic, and camping.  They'll invent scenarios for their My Little Ponies and toy cars to interact with each other.  I love eavesdropping on their games sometimes since the plots can become pretty elaborate.

9.  Dance Party.  This one's pretty straighforward and doesn't normally last very long in this house since I can only take so much.  But the kids love a good "dance break" a la Octonauts.

10.  Baking and crafts.  I love to bake and can be a bit of a control freak, but I'm learning to let go a bit and let the kids help out.  Sunshine is currently obsessed with a Dora & Diego cookbook she received as a gift awhile ago.  So we've tried a few recipes.  Unfortunately, I have a huge weakness for bakes goods so I end up eating too much.  I'm trying to lose weight so I use up a lot of willpower resisting treats.   Crafts take a bit more planning and I used to be really anal about the kids using up "nice" craft supplies.  But again, I've learned to let go and allow them to be creative.  You'd be amazed at how easily you can amuse a four year old with Play-doh, toothpicks, and craft feathers.

11.  Go on an Outing.  We found a cool self-serve frozen yogurt place not far from our place and the kids love going there.  They get to choose their flavour and operate the machine, add fruit, candy, and sauce.  You pay by weight so I only let them fill the bowls about half full, which is plenty for school-aged kids.  We've made it our mission this summer to find the best splash pad in the city, so if the weather's nice, we pack a picnic and go check one out.  We found a really neat one yesterday that was unusual compared to most of the others.  It was constructed out of wood with a trough system, a pirate ship, and a slide.  The kids pump the water to make it flow through wheels and troughs.  I'm sure they would've stayed all day if I let them.

12.  Chores.  Surprisingly, my kids are truly excited over doing chores.  I found this excellent list of age-appropriate chores for kids on Pinterest.  I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon enough, but for now I'll enjoy it while I can.  My oldest is becoming a real pro at unloading the dishwasher and my son loves choosing which napkins to put on the table for dinner.  I like seeing them take pride in our home and I feel like they're learning good life skills.

I'm hoping that we'll keep up the limits on screen time once the school year starts up again.  Surprisingly, the kids have adjusted to the change really well and they've become much more thoughtful of what they choose to watch or what they choose to play on the computer.  Do you limit screen time in your home?  What are some of the things you do to keep your kids occupied?

Don't Tell Me to Smile

I find it extremely condescending and sexist whenever anyone tells me to, "Smile!"  I smile plenty when I'm happy.  I also have a wicked sense of humour and I'm drawn to people who are funny.  In school, even though I was a quiet, well-behaved student, I did sometimes get into trouble because I liked hanging around with the funny people, the class clowns.  One of the class clowns was actually my prom date.  The gravitational pull of someone funny made me want to pay attention to the jokes instead of the teacher.

I joined the military right after high school and went off to basic training that summer.  One of the instructors, a sergeant, seemed to have it out for me.  We'd be marching to drill practice and he'd say to me, "SMILE!"  I took my training very seriously and technically, you're not supposed to smile when you're in ranks anyway. At the time, I was pretty intimidated so I just took the constant remarks, but when I think back to it now, I feel so angry.  The instructor would have never said that to one of the men in my platoon, but since I'm a woman, there was this expectation that I was to have a pleasing look on my face to appease everyone.  One time in particular I was actually feeling kind of grumpy because I had messed up on the shooting range and the range staff were making fun of me.  I sat under a tree by myself to eat my lunch because I was in a pissed-off mood, and the sergeant came over and starting talking to me as if I had some kind of mental illness.  I swear he thought I was suicidal.  I wasn't crying, stomping, swearing, yelling.  I was just sitting by myself because I didn't feel like being around anyone.  I swear this sergeant followed me around all summer, trying to "get" me, like I was some kind of brain teaser to be solved.  One day towards the end of the training, he was walking beside me during a route march and said something like, "I think I finally get you.  You're just a very sarcastic person, aren't you?"  Yes, I'm just a one-dimensional being and you've solved the riddle like a Rubik's Cube.  Now go bother someone else.  Oops.  Was that sarcasm?  Seriously, is one supposed to smile when you're done up like this:

It's tough being an introvert in the military, especially for an officer.  There's this expectation that every leader is supposed to be charismatic, transformational, love the sound of their own voice, and love being in the limelight.  Another incident where my introversion was someone else's problem occurred when I had to go away to an unfamiliar base for some training.  When I was unloading my bags from my car, I noticed a familiar face.  He recognized me too so we quickly exchanged pleasantries.  I had been on a course with this person before and found him to have a very irritating personality, so I wouldn't call him a friend, just an acquaintance.  The next morning was the first day of the course.  I made my way to the mess hall for breakfast and after getting my food, I quickly scanned the seating area of the mess hall to see if I recognized anyone.  I didn't, so I went to an empty table and started eating my breakfast, thinking about what the day would hold.  I always feel a bit nervous in new situations but I'm good at not showing it.  About halfway through my meal, the acquaintance from the day before walked by my table on his way out.  He stopped and started berating me, saying, "WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE ALL BY YOURSELF?!  YOU SHOULD BE SITTING WITH THE REST OF THE PEOPLE ON COURSE!  WHY ARE YOU BEING SO ALOOF!?"  I just stared with my mouth hanging open.  Why did it matter to him?  And why did he feel the need to embarrass me in the middle of the mess hall?  This person was the same rank as me, so it's not like he was in a position of authority over me.  And again, I don't think he would have said anything to me had I been a man sitting by myself.

In one of my first real jobs in the military I worked as an administration officer for a squadron.  I worked so hard, learning the new job, staying late to get things done and show my dedication, taking on all kinds of secondary duties.  With no children at the time, I was able to do that.  When it came time for my performance review, I was shocked to see that it wasn't excellent.  It was good, but not excellent.  And i was damn good at my job, if I do say so myself.  My boss told me that I had a reputation for being chained to my desk and not socializing with people.  What!?  I felt like all I did was talk to people all day - I had about 10 subordinates and an open door policy.  But now I was being shit upon for not wasting my time drinking coffee and chatting with the pilots?  So, I learned to play the game.  I told my staff that every Wednesday we would go to coffee break for half an hour and socialize. Forced socializing is one of my worst nightmares, but at least as an admin officer performing a human resources function,  people actually had questions for me so I didn't have to engage in much small-talk.

I don't consider myself deficient in any way for not having a constant grin on my face.  Now that I'm older and have more of an awareness of what people see when they look at me, I have tried to plaster a smile on my face.  Most recently, I was thinking that the Zumba instructor must think I'm a miserable human being because I don't smile.  I do quite enjoy her class, so last time, I tried to smile throughout.  I couldn't do it.  It felt too fake for me and I had to concentrate too hard to keep up the smile.  I'm there to get a workout for my body, not my face, so I gave up after awhile.

I assure you, if you say something I find funny, I will laugh.  I love humour, especially the kind that pushes the envelope.  I'm trying to understand how my unassuming behaviour of sitting alone and not talking much can be offensive to some.  Is it because women are not supposed to be this way?  Should I be wearing my heart on my sleeve and feigning excitement in things I have no interest in?  In both of my military examples, it was men who had a problem with my behaviour.  Is that because they expect women to be flirtatious, even in a professional setting?  I'm a terrible actress, a bad liar, and my face turns red when I'm embarrassed.  I can't fake it.  I've tried and I just can't.  Introverts often relate to the feeling of feeling physically drained from social interactions and needing time to recover.  Being forced to interact while pretending to be someone I'm not increases the feeling of being drained for me.  I won't do it anymore.  I need that energy for my partner and for my children.

For me, part of the solution to these problems was reading up on introversion.  I also had to learn how to stick up for myself.  I love the book, "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Lainey, Psy. D.  I was feeling like a failure in the workplace but this book showed me how my introversion was helping me and was actually a good thing.  I'm now very upfront with my bosses and subordinates about my introversion because I want them to understand me.  I can also spin my perceived weaknesses into a more positive framework.  I have realized that sometimes I do have to go out on a limb, outside of my comfort zone, in order to get noticed.  I prefer to not be in the limelight but it is nice to be recognized for the hard work that I do.  It was my career manager who said to me, "It's one thing to be good at your job.  It's another thing to get people to notice that you're good at your job."  The posting I'm in right now is a very good fit for my personality.  It's a desk job with the main interaction being by phone and email.  I get to do a lot of writing, something I'm good at (not to toot my own horn but so I've been told), and I have no subordinates.  It's interesting work and I enjoy interacting with the people who have the same job as me (there's six of us).  We even go for coffee once a week and shockingly, I look forward to it!