Introvert Mom's Embarrassment

Well, this is embarrassing. I haven't blogged in ages because...get this...I completely forgot both my blog username and password! I gave up for awhile but decided to mess around tonight. Success!

So speaking of embarrassing things, I feel the sick urge to share a rather humiliating experience from last week. Like most introverts, I don't especially like drawing attention to myself. Most would describe me as fairly unassuming. I tend to play by the rules, back away from confrontation, etc. I'm still blushing over what will now be referred to as, "The Most Stressful Lazy River Ride of My Life."

Introvert Dad and I took our three kids (22 months, 5, and 7) to a water park. It was a beautiful new park with two wave pools, a massive toddler wading pool, a gradual entry pool (great for little ones) and (the part I was most looking forward to) - a lazy river. I fantasized beforehand about a dreamy float down the lazy river, basking in the sunshine, pondering life's great mysteries. I'm not sure why I allowed myself this delusion considering the fact that I have three kids. Who am I kidding?

The two youngest kids had to ride in a tube with a parent. My seven year old was allowed to float on her own tube. The water was waist deep on me, so not too deep for my seven year old. Introvert Dad took the youngest, and I went with our five-year old. My son was a tad fearful mostly because he's not much of a swimmer (still learning) but he had a life jacket on and he could also touch the bottom. When it was our turn, my son got himself settled in the tube and was clinging onto it for dear life. He was nervous so I tried to keep him calm while moving us out of the way of other people who were getting into their tubes (it was busy). Before I know it, I'm in waist-deep water and can't exactly get myself into the tube without knocking the nervous five year old into the water. So I though to myself, "No big deal. I'll just hang on to the tube so he feels secure and walk down the lazy river." Not exactly the fantasy experience I was hoping for but I was happy to be enjoying the time with my son.

Well apparently not being in the tube is AGAINST THE RULES. We floated past a lifeguard who shouted at me, "Hey lady! You have to be IN the tube!" So I get under the tube, pop my head through the centre, and manage to hoist myself up so I'm sitting on one side of the tube with my son on the other, our legs dangling into the water. Perfect! I was impressed that I was able to complete that stunning feat of athleticism without capsizing.

But then we float past the next lifeguard on the Lazy River of Excessive Rules and Regulations. She yells, "Hey! You're not allowed to sit like that! You have to lie down in the tube and he has to lie down on top of you!" Oh. Great. Now keep in mind that I'm not exactly the picture of elegance and grace. In fact, to be frank, I'm built like a brick shithouse. So how exactly am I going to manage to lie down in the inner tube of doom while my son clings to the handles like an unruly barnacle? So we pull over to the edge of the lazy river, I try to have another athletic moment, but manage to tip us over. My son freaks even though he can touch the bottom. Luckily, Introvert Dad floats into our vicinity and manages to help us as best he can while keeping a hold on the clingy toddler in his lap. We manage to settle ourselves into the one and only dual rider approved inner tube position and we're ready to continue, finally.

In the meantime, because we had to stop and readjust, my seven year old is long gone, floating away down the Lazy River of Anxious Moms. I start to panic because I can't see her. I'm always anxious with the kids around water, and not being able to see her freaks me out. It was also really crowded. Introvert Dad knows this and can tell just by looking at me (gosh I love him) that I am starting to lose it. So he kicks like crazy to propel his tube upriver where he can see our oldest.

We managed to finish our float down The Lazy River of Anally Retentive Lifeguards without further incident, but at that point, I'm feeling not only like a failure as a mother but also like a complete dumbass for being yelled at by lifeguards. I'm not a person who deliberately breaks the rules and I like to know them beforehand. I knew that kids below a certain height had to ride with an adult, but there was nothing posted about the specific position we had to be in.

A learning experience for sure!

*I feel the need to add a note that I'm not shitting on the lifeguards who were just doing their job. I just think they needed more details added to their posted rules, or the staff member monitoring the entrance needs to tell the parents riding with young kids that they have to ride in a certain way. Or maybe I just need to chill.

My favourite things: I love a good outhouse

Shitter, outhouse, kybo, blue rocket, johnny-on-the-spot.  Whatever you like to call it.  I love a good outhouse.  I know what you're thinking, "Are you crazy!?  They STINK!"  Well yeah, they do but that doesn't really bother me when I'm stinking one up anyway.  I know a lot of campers, cottagers, etc. complain about outhouses, but I really do LOVE a good outhouse.  In fact, I even love a bad outhouse, bugs and all.  Introvert Dad thinks I'm crazy when I get excited about having an outhouse to use.

Avert your eyes if you don't want to read about poop.  Don't be ashamed.  As one of my kids' favourite books says in the title, "Everyone Poops."  We all do it, and contrary to what you may think, your shit does in fact stink.  Mine does too.  When I was pregnant with my first baby, I developed a crapping problem.  I don't know if you could call it truly constipation.  I called it the curse of the monster log.  For whatever reason, my bowels would only move every three or four days and when they did.  Whoa!  Look out!  We're talking massively huge logs.  Like I have no idea how that thing came out gibungous.  I have clogged many a toilet, even the industrial types in office buildings and other public spaces.  I think something in the prenatal vitamins contributed to the problem so I didn't take them in subsequent pregnancies.  But every once in awhile, the monster log manages to make itself a home in my intestines so I'm never a fan of pooping in a public place.

Except in outhouses.  Oh, sweet outhouse with a lock on the door.  No one comes close because they stink and I can be left alone in my fortress of solitude (thank to Comic Book Guy for that one!).  The best part is that you can't clog an outhouse.  Nope, no plungers needed in the hunt for Brown October when there's an outhouse nearby. And like I mentioned already, they already stink so I don't care that I'm contributing to the stench.

And you know what the worst advice is?  "Just eat more fiber!"  More fiber was the last thing I needed, judging by the size of those turds.  Or even worse, "Just take some Metamucil!"  Whatever's in that stuff (psyllium husks, I know) just turned whatever was in my intestines to cement and exacerbated the monster log problem.  Felt like I was passing a friggin" baseball!

The outhouses at the summer camp I went to as a teenager were the blue plastic ones you see on construction sites or at festivals in the summer.  Man I used to love going in there right after the shit sucker trucks came to pump them out...smelled like bubblegum (until I was done anyway).  Bring a book in there and you have a throne fit for a queen!

As an introvert, I like being alone and an outhouse is just the place to be alone with my thoughts and no one disturbs me.  Too bad the city won't let me build one in my backyard.  Not sure the neighbours would be down with that anyway.

Random Thoughts on Breastfeeding

It's World Breastfeeding Week so I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity to blog about my breastfeeding journey.  As a quiet person who does't like to draw attention to herself, I have come a long way in my ability to nurse comfortably in a public place.  I'm hoping that my experience can help empower moms who are having difficulty in this area.  This will no doubt be a bit of a rambling blog entry so my apologies in advance since I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts around the subject of breastfeeding.

I should start out by admitting that I am one of the lucky ones.  My three kids all nursed like champs from the moment they were born.  I have no idea if this was due to their size (all around the 9 lb mark) but they seemed to exit the womb just knowing what to do.  The worst breastfeeding difficulty I had was some plugged ducts with my second baby, but nothing a little dangle feeding didn't fix.

The nice thing about being an introvert is that I've become good at not drawing attention to myself, so I have yet to experience any negative reactions when I have nursed in public.  I've nursed on airplanes, in restaurants, my in-laws' living room with family present, school picnics, IKEA, restaurants, campgrounds, beaches, nature trails, and my front porch.  I started out with my first trying to cover with a blanket.  This proved to be difficult when trying to latch her on.  As a beginner, I needed to be able to see what I was doing.  I eventually bought a nursing cover with a rigid neckline so I could see her while being covered.    The problem with nursing covers, for me, is that the gaudy patterns seem to draw more attention so once I gained some confidence, I abandoned covers.  I eventually settled on certain types of clothing to help me feel more comfortable.  I wanted my belly covered since it somewhat resembles a road map. I used a Bella Band throughout all of my pregnancies and kept using it for awhile after my babies were born.  Another useful way to cover my belly is to wear a stretchy tank top with a normal shirt over it.  That way I can pull the tank top down to expose my breast, and pull the shirt on top up.  Belly stays covered and so does the top of my breast.

My confidence with public nursing has evolved, as I mentioned.  I tend to be a bit of a homebody, so I don't nurse in public frequently, but sometimes it just needs to be done, especially with two older kids who have places to be.  Most recently was my son's preschool picnic in a park.  I just spread out our picnic blanket in a shady spot and did my thing.  No one batted an eye or approached me, in fact I'm not sure anyone even noticed what I was doing.  I'm lucky to live in a breastfeeding friendly community (at least on paper).  My local recreation centre has "breastfeeding-friendly" signs all over the lobby, which is very comforting.

I feel the need to mention - I have quite large breasts, the bane of my existence.  They drew unwanted attention when I was younger and I've always felt a bit embarrassed by them.  Now that I've used them to nourish my children, I have a new-found respect for them.  I still get frustrated when certain athletic gear is overly low-cut since I'm not interested in flaunting my assets while trying to get a workout in.  I've learned what clothing I'm comfortable with wearing and how to keep the girls in place while running (doubling up on bras).

I support any mom's right to breastfeed in public, no matter how "discreet" she wants to be.  It bothers me a bit when people say, "I have no problem with a mother breastfeeding in public as long as she's discreet about it."  That's a pretty subjective concept. Some people want the mom and baby completely covered with a blanket or nursing cover.  This might work out okay with a newborn, but once they reach a certain age (my babies anyway) a blanket over the head or face is an invitation to play peekaboo.  For me it would just prolong getting down to the business of nursing, since it would be a fun game and a distraction. It's also not always practical, especially in warm weather, because it gets too hot and stuffy under a blanket.

I've also read negative comments about moms "just whipping it out" to nurse.  I think people seem to have more of a problem with top down nursing (pulling a shirt down to expose the breast) versus bottom up (pulling the bottom of your shirt up).  For me, this is really a non-issue.  It's a breast.  It's meant for feeding a baby.  Sure, breasts have been overly sexualized in our culture but so what?  Eyes have lids, necks swivel, so if you see something you don't like, you don't have to look.  I don't like horror movies and I can't even watch the previews, so I look away.

I do prefer to find a quiet spot to nurse, but this isn't because I'm embarrassed or because I don't want anyone to see me.  My youngest is 10 months old and easily distracted, so I prefer to find a spot without lots going on so she can eat and then we can get back to whatever we were doing.  I've never been able to master nursing while walking around, unless I nurse in a soft structured carrier (love my Beco).  I've done that while on hikes and a few times while I was cooking dinner.  But my preferred nursing spot is a comfy chair with a nursing pillow and something for me to read.  In fact, if a fellow introvert mom asked me what my number one recommended piece of baby gear is, I'd recommend an iPad.  I've got all my books on there, games, Facebook, internet, so I can fart around on it while nursing in the middle of the night.  So yeah, iPad and a great nursing pillow (I like My Breast Friend).

Introvert Dad and I took the kids for lunch at IKEA a few days ago.  As is typical for me, I found us a quiet table in the back corner, by the window, away from the crowd.  There was a mom nursing a brand new baby nearby, shielded by her stroller and completed covered in a muslin blanket.  I so wanted to approach her and offer some encouragement, but didn't want to be annoying or invade her personal space.  I kind of wished that my baby wanted to be fed too, so I could nurse in solidarity with this new mom, but she'd been fed recently.  Instead I just made eye contact and gave her a nice smile.  I hope it helped her to feel more at ease.

How to Keep Busy With Limited Screen Time

I'm going to make an embarrassing admission.  We are television junkies in this house.  Introvert Dad has the TV on all the time, he even finds it comforting to fall asleep with the TV on in the background.  With the kids, it's often used as a crutch because they will watch happily for hours.  Or sometimes they won't even be watching it and it will just be on as background noise while they play something else.  They also love playing on my iPad, on the computer, the Nintendo DS, and the LeapPad.  And I love farting around on the computer, whether it's reading, Twitter, Facebook, or my current game addiction, Cnady Crush. There's no lack of screens in this house, that's for sure.  When my oldest was a baby, I would plunk her in the high chair with a Baby Einstein video playing and she was absolutely enthralled.  I was under no delusions that those videos would make her smarter, it was just a way to get things done around the house, or eat a meal in peace while she was occupied.  Again I'll admit, we used it too much.  I regret it and feel pretty awful when I think back, but I did better with the other two and haven't really used them (incidentally, the other two weren't interested in those videos as babies).

Now that everyone's home for the summer, I started really thinking about just how much TV they watch.  I started to feel a bit sick and realized  how much time we were all wasting.  I admire any family that goes completely TV-free, but there's no way Introvert Dad would go for that since it's his preferred method of relaxing.  So instead, I decided to limit screen time to one hour a day for each kid.  That might still be a lot to some, but for us, the TV was literally on all day, so this is a big adjustment for the kids.  That one hour includes any screen time, so not just the television.

There is some flexibility in there, since I'm not a complete ogre control freak.  If we want to have a family movie night on a Friday, of course we'll do that.  Or if it's a rainy day and the kids want to play a Mario Party game board, that takes longer than 30 minutes, I'll let them.  I love listening to the two older kids play together and come up with ways to keep themselves entertained.  I'm still learning how to keep them busy when boredom hits, and thought I'd offer some tips of what can be done instead of TV-watching.

1.  Colouring.  I keep a stack of colouring books on the dining room table with markers, crayons, and pencil crayons.  Right now this is the kids' preferred activity when they wake up in the morning.  They'll sit quietly and colour while I nurse the baby, have a coffee, and get breakfast started.

2.  Tub Time.  For some reason this is an excellent boredom buster in this house.  My oldest is getting to the point where soon she won't want to bathe with her younger brother, but for now it works for us.  They will literally play in there for an hour and I can sit on the toilet and read a book.  I let them take baths in our big soaker tub in the master bathroom since I can fold laundry on my bed and still have my eyes on them.  We also have these great Animal Planet toys that look very realistic - sharks, a killer whale, sperm whale, nd a few little other sea animals.  I don't think they're actually marketed as bath toys, but my son absolutely adores them.  I'll let my older daughter bring Littlest Pet Shop figurines in the tub and she enjoys that very much.

3.  Board Games.  Some of our favourites are Life on Earth Bingo, Hi-Ho Cherry-O, CandyLand, Hungry Hungry Hippos (not recommended when the baby's sleeping), any sort of "pop" game where you pop the dice in a dome (we have a Dora Pop game), and Memory.

4.  Play outside.  This could be just playing in the backyard - we have a playhouse and a climber out there -  or going out for a walk.  We have a duck pond that's only about a ten minute walk from our house.  I love going there with the kids because we see all sorts of neat things.  We saw a mama duck with her babies, we've caught frogs and froglets and turtles (we release them after watching them for a bit), butterflies, and other bugs.  We even found a "secret place" off the beaten path with a makeshift bridge across a shallow stream, big rocks, climbing trees, and a section of tall swishy grass.  I love letting them explore nature.

5. Bike rides.  I can't do this with the baby since she's too small to wear a helmet in our bike trailer, but it's fun for the older two.  We're still working on getting rid of the training wheels for both of the big kids.

6.  Head out to the park.  We have some nice parks in our neighbourhood so we try to check them all out and find our favourites.  If it's a far walk, I'll put the baby and the four year old in the double stroller and let my oldest ride her scooter to the park.  There are many bike paths in our neighbourhood which makes getting around with kids on wheels easier.

7.  Read books.  We'll take a stack of books into the living room and just read together.  Sunshine and I read Charlotte's Web together last month, which was a good introduction to chapter books.

8.  Just playing.  I don't even have to intervene and the kids will find their own fun.  Boredom's great for the imagination.  They'll play house, school, vet clinic, and camping.  They'll invent scenarios for their My Little Ponies and toy cars to interact with each other.  I love eavesdropping on their games sometimes since the plots can become pretty elaborate.

9.  Dance Party.  This one's pretty straighforward and doesn't normally last very long in this house since I can only take so much.  But the kids love a good "dance break" a la Octonauts.

10.  Baking and crafts.  I love to bake and can be a bit of a control freak, but I'm learning to let go a bit and let the kids help out.  Sunshine is currently obsessed with a Dora & Diego cookbook she received as a gift awhile ago.  So we've tried a few recipes.  Unfortunately, I have a huge weakness for bakes goods so I end up eating too much.  I'm trying to lose weight so I use up a lot of willpower resisting treats.   Crafts take a bit more planning and I used to be really anal about the kids using up "nice" craft supplies.  But again, I've learned to let go and allow them to be creative.  You'd be amazed at how easily you can amuse a four year old with Play-doh, toothpicks, and craft feathers.

11.  Go on an Outing.  We found a cool self-serve frozen yogurt place not far from our place and the kids love going there.  They get to choose their flavour and operate the machine, add fruit, candy, and sauce.  You pay by weight so I only let them fill the bowls about half full, which is plenty for school-aged kids.  We've made it our mission this summer to find the best splash pad in the city, so if the weather's nice, we pack a picnic and go check one out.  We found a really neat one yesterday that was unusual compared to most of the others.  It was constructed out of wood with a trough system, a pirate ship, and a slide.  The kids pump the water to make it flow through wheels and troughs.  I'm sure they would've stayed all day if I let them.

12.  Chores.  Surprisingly, my kids are truly excited over doing chores.  I found this excellent list of age-appropriate chores for kids on Pinterest.  I'm sure the novelty will wear off soon enough, but for now I'll enjoy it while I can.  My oldest is becoming a real pro at unloading the dishwasher and my son loves choosing which napkins to put on the table for dinner.  I like seeing them take pride in our home and I feel like they're learning good life skills.

I'm hoping that we'll keep up the limits on screen time once the school year starts up again.  Surprisingly, the kids have adjusted to the change really well and they've become much more thoughtful of what they choose to watch or what they choose to play on the computer.  Do you limit screen time in your home?  What are some of the things you do to keep your kids occupied?

Don't Tell Me to Smile

I find it extremely condescending and sexist whenever anyone tells me to, "Smile!"  I smile plenty when I'm happy.  I also have a wicked sense of humour and I'm drawn to people who are funny.  In school, even though I was a quiet, well-behaved student, I did sometimes get into trouble because I liked hanging around with the funny people, the class clowns.  One of the class clowns was actually my prom date.  The gravitational pull of someone funny made me want to pay attention to the jokes instead of the teacher.

I joined the military right after high school and went off to basic training that summer.  One of the instructors, a sergeant, seemed to have it out for me.  We'd be marching to drill practice and he'd say to me, "SMILE!"  I took my training very seriously and technically, you're not supposed to smile when you're in ranks anyway. At the time, I was pretty intimidated so I just took the constant remarks, but when I think back to it now, I feel so angry.  The instructor would have never said that to one of the men in my platoon, but since I'm a woman, there was this expectation that I was to have a pleasing look on my face to appease everyone.  One time in particular I was actually feeling kind of grumpy because I had messed up on the shooting range and the range staff were making fun of me.  I sat under a tree by myself to eat my lunch because I was in a pissed-off mood, and the sergeant came over and starting talking to me as if I had some kind of mental illness.  I swear he thought I was suicidal.  I wasn't crying, stomping, swearing, yelling.  I was just sitting by myself because I didn't feel like being around anyone.  I swear this sergeant followed me around all summer, trying to "get" me, like I was some kind of brain teaser to be solved.  One day towards the end of the training, he was walking beside me during a route march and said something like, "I think I finally get you.  You're just a very sarcastic person, aren't you?"  Yes, I'm just a one-dimensional being and you've solved the riddle like a Rubik's Cube.  Now go bother someone else.  Oops.  Was that sarcasm?  Seriously, is one supposed to smile when you're done up like this:

It's tough being an introvert in the military, especially for an officer.  There's this expectation that every leader is supposed to be charismatic, transformational, love the sound of their own voice, and love being in the limelight.  Another incident where my introversion was someone else's problem occurred when I had to go away to an unfamiliar base for some training.  When I was unloading my bags from my car, I noticed a familiar face.  He recognized me too so we quickly exchanged pleasantries.  I had been on a course with this person before and found him to have a very irritating personality, so I wouldn't call him a friend, just an acquaintance.  The next morning was the first day of the course.  I made my way to the mess hall for breakfast and after getting my food, I quickly scanned the seating area of the mess hall to see if I recognized anyone.  I didn't, so I went to an empty table and started eating my breakfast, thinking about what the day would hold.  I always feel a bit nervous in new situations but I'm good at not showing it.  About halfway through my meal, the acquaintance from the day before walked by my table on his way out.  He stopped and started berating me, saying, "WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE ALL BY YOURSELF?!  YOU SHOULD BE SITTING WITH THE REST OF THE PEOPLE ON COURSE!  WHY ARE YOU BEING SO ALOOF!?"  I just stared with my mouth hanging open.  Why did it matter to him?  And why did he feel the need to embarrass me in the middle of the mess hall?  This person was the same rank as me, so it's not like he was in a position of authority over me.  And again, I don't think he would have said anything to me had I been a man sitting by myself.

In one of my first real jobs in the military I worked as an administration officer for a squadron.  I worked so hard, learning the new job, staying late to get things done and show my dedication, taking on all kinds of secondary duties.  With no children at the time, I was able to do that.  When it came time for my performance review, I was shocked to see that it wasn't excellent.  It was good, but not excellent.  And i was damn good at my job, if I do say so myself.  My boss told me that I had a reputation for being chained to my desk and not socializing with people.  What!?  I felt like all I did was talk to people all day - I had about 10 subordinates and an open door policy.  But now I was being shit upon for not wasting my time drinking coffee and chatting with the pilots?  So, I learned to play the game.  I told my staff that every Wednesday we would go to coffee break for half an hour and socialize. Forced socializing is one of my worst nightmares, but at least as an admin officer performing a human resources function,  people actually had questions for me so I didn't have to engage in much small-talk.

I don't consider myself deficient in any way for not having a constant grin on my face.  Now that I'm older and have more of an awareness of what people see when they look at me, I have tried to plaster a smile on my face.  Most recently, I was thinking that the Zumba instructor must think I'm a miserable human being because I don't smile.  I do quite enjoy her class, so last time, I tried to smile throughout.  I couldn't do it.  It felt too fake for me and I had to concentrate too hard to keep up the smile.  I'm there to get a workout for my body, not my face, so I gave up after awhile.

I assure you, if you say something I find funny, I will laugh.  I love humour, especially the kind that pushes the envelope.  I'm trying to understand how my unassuming behaviour of sitting alone and not talking much can be offensive to some.  Is it because women are not supposed to be this way?  Should I be wearing my heart on my sleeve and feigning excitement in things I have no interest in?  In both of my military examples, it was men who had a problem with my behaviour.  Is that because they expect women to be flirtatious, even in a professional setting?  I'm a terrible actress, a bad liar, and my face turns red when I'm embarrassed.  I can't fake it.  I've tried and I just can't.  Introverts often relate to the feeling of feeling physically drained from social interactions and needing time to recover.  Being forced to interact while pretending to be someone I'm not increases the feeling of being drained for me.  I won't do it anymore.  I need that energy for my partner and for my children.

For me, part of the solution to these problems was reading up on introversion.  I also had to learn how to stick up for myself.  I love the book, "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Lainey, Psy. D.  I was feeling like a failure in the workplace but this book showed me how my introversion was helping me and was actually a good thing.  I'm now very upfront with my bosses and subordinates about my introversion because I want them to understand me.  I can also spin my perceived weaknesses into a more positive framework.  I have realized that sometimes I do have to go out on a limb, outside of my comfort zone, in order to get noticed.  I prefer to not be in the limelight but it is nice to be recognized for the hard work that I do.  It was my career manager who said to me, "It's one thing to be good at your job.  It's another thing to get people to notice that you're good at your job."  The posting I'm in right now is a very good fit for my personality.  It's a desk job with the main interaction being by phone and email.  I get to do a lot of writing, something I'm good at (not to toot my own horn but so I've been told), and I have no subordinates.  It's interesting work and I enjoy interacting with the people who have the same job as me (there's six of us).  We even go for coffee once a week and shockingly, I look forward to it!

Introvert Mom Problem #2: Navigating Social Obligations

For someone who doesn't like to leave the house much, we've had what I'd consider to be a busy social week.  My oldest had her school's end of year "Fun Fair" and my son had his preschool picnic.  I don't really care for crowds or making small-talk, so I have found ways to cope with these social events to keep me sane.  Of course, the easy answer is to just not attend these functions, but sometimes the kids are excited about them and I don't want my hang-ups to get in the way of their enjoyment.

My first tip is to get everyone on the same page.  By that I mean, before you go, let everyone know what the plan is.  Introvert Dad and I usually discuss these things beforehand, like "How long should we go for?"  "Are we eating dinner/lunch there?" We let the kids know the plan as well to help avoid disappointment.  So for my daughter's Fun Fair, we told them, "We're only going to go for about an hour because it's right around dinner time.  So you can get some cotton candy or a snow cone and play some games.  If the lineups aren't too long you can get a balloon animal and get your face painted."  If, when we get there, the kids ask us to buy things, I'll just honestly tell them, 'Sorry, I didn't bring money for that."

While I don't advocate lying to get out of things, I do like to have some ready excuses for when it's time to make an exit.  I find this is pretty easy with a baby:  She needs to nap so she doesn't get cranky.  We need to get her home because if she falls asleep in the car...oh man...it's all over and she won't go to sleep tonight. We have to go grab some lunch/dinner.  Or sometimes, just be honest and say, "This crowd's a bit overwhelming to my introvert self so we're heading out."

At school events it's inevitable that you'll end up chatting with other parents.  I actually don't find this sort of social interaction to be overly draining since it's easy to find common ground when you have kids who are the same age.  I just think about recent milestones (Is your baby crawling?  Is your preschooler excited about starting kindergarten in the fall?  Do you have any plans for summer vacation?)  Of course, some personalities can be more draining than others, but kids give you a ready excuse to extricate yourself.  "Well, we're going to try the potato sack race now."  Or, "I promised this one a balloon animal/snow cone/ice cream so we'll see ya later!"  Exit stage left.

Get organized.  I like to have a "jump bag" ready for when it's time to go.  For the summer this means diapers, wipes, sunscreen, hats, snacks, camera, wallet, phone, water and a change of clothes for baby.  I use a backpack since it suits my needs better than a diaper bag.  I find if I leave the house frazzled after running around to gather up all of their stuff, it puts me in a bad mood and makes me not want to leave the house anymore.

Last, but not least, make sure you build in some quiet time for recovery when you have a busy social calendar.  For me, this was as simple as staying home on Sunday and cleaning the house.  My older daughter wanted to have a friend over, but I said no because I just wanted peace and quiet in the house (as much as possible with three littles).  Sometimes adding friends into the mix causes conflict between my older two and they do play nicely together when it's just the two of them (most of the time).  Introvert Dad is great about respecting my need for quiet time to myself so he doesn't have a problem with me hiding out in our bedroom to nap or read or whatever.

It may sound like there's no room in my life for spontaneity after reading these tips.  I'm not always so rigid with the rules.  It just depends on what we're doing.  Also, with summer upon us, there's less hustle and bustle with timings and having to get things organized for school, so it's easy to be laidback and let go a bit.  Do any of my fellow introvert moms have tips for handling social obligations with kids?

Introvert Mom Problem #1: Group Fitness Classes

Oh, I already know what my fellow introverts are thinking.  Why in the world would you want to go to a group fitness class and be around all those people!?  I'd rather have my skin sandblasted off!  Well, here's the thing - I need to be in shape for my job and I do like to dance, so it's a fun change up to my usual solitary jog.  I go alone, I talk to no one, shake my badoinkadoink, and get the hell out.  The class is in a massive gym and around 120 people attend, so it's easy to get lost in the crowd.  I call it Zumba, but technically it's not since Zumba's a brand name.  It's a latin-inspired dance exercise class, to be specific.  It's also my one night out a week sans kids.  Sometimes I even go to Walmart after and wander the aisles, selecting the best dryer sheets, Triscuits, nursing pads, and lube that a single income family can buy.  Ahhh...the sweet smell of freedom!  Nope, that's Bounce..or is it Gain?  Purex?  Downey?  Fuck it, I'll buy the damn store brand so that Introvert Dad is satisfied with my purchases within budget.

I was thinking tonight about how annoying certain people can be at group fitness classes.  I've composed a list of the offending behaviours and I'm curious to know if this is cross-regional.

1.  I get to class early to claim my spot near the wall so that I can grab my water bottle between songs   without having to weave my way through the crowd of fitness enthusiasts.  Inevitably, some gaggle of four ladies arrives the minute before the class starts and gets in my space!  No I will not move over! These jerks probably do the same thing at the movie theatre.  Show up late and then ask the patrons who arrived 45 minutes early so that they could choose the perfect seat to move over.  Luckily I'm built like a brick shithouse so I can usually just stand with my hands on my hips and people will stay out of my bubble.

2.  The ones who complain that it's too hot and/or that they're sweating.  Note that these people are normally wearing Lululemon performance gear outfits that cost $200 and claim to wick the sweat away.

3.  The ones who complain when the instructor teaches a new routine.  Seriously, it takes about five classes to get the moves down pat.  The class I go to is full of regulars and they are the whiniest bunch you can imagine.  "This move's too fast!"  "Can you show us the crossover step again?"  I'm here to get my workout on, not listen to you bleat.  If you don't get it right, don't worry, the song's almost over.

3.  Talkers.  Shut.up.  This is not social hour and most of us don't want to hear your business while we're trying to exercise.  Why even bother coming?  Go for a coffee if you want to chat, you're barely paying attention to the moves anyway and you look like my drunk uncle dancing at a wedding.

4.  The wearer of accessories.  Why must you wear one of these jangling monstrosities to every fucking class?

I tolerated it in the month of December because I thought it was sort of festive to have something akin to jingle bells around your hips while Zumba-ing to The Little Drummer Boy.  But now it's June.  Lose the coin belt!  This is incomprehensible to me, Introvert Mom, because WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF?  I shouldn't complain, I guess, since it means no one's looking at me for sure.

Note:  I complained to Introvert Dad about this and he told me that at the gym where he works out, he sometimes sees people with jingle bells tied to their shoes.  Thankfully, this seems to be limited to the Christmas season and isn't a year-round occurrence.  

In an effort to show that I'm not some grumpy recluse who hates everyone, I also want to make a list of the patrons I LOVE at group fitness classes.

1.  The lady who's REALLY into it.  And I mean like, really, REALLY into it.  I admire the wild abandonment and the ability to dance like no one's watching.  I'm watching, and I'm simultaneously in awe and hoping I don't look like that.  It's supposed to be fun and she's definitely loving it.  But she also resembles my drunk uncle dancing at a wedding, but her moves are way more defined.

2.  The men.  In a class of 120 women there are usually two or three men.  Two of the regulars are probably in their sixties.  Whether they attend to get a workout or to check out ladies shaking their boobs and butts in cute workout clothes (or heck, maybe both!) I admire the set of balls on you.  As long as those balls stay hidden under your 1970s Adidas shorts (AKA marble bag).

3.  The instructor.  Instructing a group so large requires a special kind of patience and leadership.  Not to mention the fact that she's shaking her stuff in front of such a big group.  Being an introvert, I have a high level of admiration for someone who's willing to put herself out there and open herself up to judgement and criticism.  I couldn't do it.  Well, maybe I could, but I'd get fired for reeking of booze since I'd have to do 8 tequila shots before getting up there in front of everyone.

So, dear readers, who are your favourite characters at the gym?  And for my fellow introverts, what do you do for exercise?  My preferred activity is jogging alone with music on my iPod.