Introvert Mom Problem #2: Navigating Social Obligations

For someone who doesn't like to leave the house much, we've had what I'd consider to be a busy social week.  My oldest had her school's end of year "Fun Fair" and my son had his preschool picnic.  I don't really care for crowds or making small-talk, so I have found ways to cope with these social events to keep me sane.  Of course, the easy answer is to just not attend these functions, but sometimes the kids are excited about them and I don't want my hang-ups to get in the way of their enjoyment.

My first tip is to get everyone on the same page.  By that I mean, before you go, let everyone know what the plan is.  Introvert Dad and I usually discuss these things beforehand, like "How long should we go for?"  "Are we eating dinner/lunch there?" We let the kids know the plan as well to help avoid disappointment.  So for my daughter's Fun Fair, we told them, "We're only going to go for about an hour because it's right around dinner time.  So you can get some cotton candy or a snow cone and play some games.  If the lineups aren't too long you can get a balloon animal and get your face painted."  If, when we get there, the kids ask us to buy things, I'll just honestly tell them, 'Sorry, I didn't bring money for that."

While I don't advocate lying to get out of things, I do like to have some ready excuses for when it's time to make an exit.  I find this is pretty easy with a baby:  She needs to nap so she doesn't get cranky.  We need to get her home because if she falls asleep in the car...oh man...it's all over and she won't go to sleep tonight. We have to go grab some lunch/dinner.  Or sometimes, just be honest and say, "This crowd's a bit overwhelming to my introvert self so we're heading out."

At school events it's inevitable that you'll end up chatting with other parents.  I actually don't find this sort of social interaction to be overly draining since it's easy to find common ground when you have kids who are the same age.  I just think about recent milestones (Is your baby crawling?  Is your preschooler excited about starting kindergarten in the fall?  Do you have any plans for summer vacation?)  Of course, some personalities can be more draining than others, but kids give you a ready excuse to extricate yourself.  "Well, we're going to try the potato sack race now."  Or, "I promised this one a balloon animal/snow cone/ice cream so we'll see ya later!"  Exit stage left.

Get organized.  I like to have a "jump bag" ready for when it's time to go.  For the summer this means diapers, wipes, sunscreen, hats, snacks, camera, wallet, phone, water and a change of clothes for baby.  I use a backpack since it suits my needs better than a diaper bag.  I find if I leave the house frazzled after running around to gather up all of their stuff, it puts me in a bad mood and makes me not want to leave the house anymore.

Last, but not least, make sure you build in some quiet time for recovery when you have a busy social calendar.  For me, this was as simple as staying home on Sunday and cleaning the house.  My older daughter wanted to have a friend over, but I said no because I just wanted peace and quiet in the house (as much as possible with three littles).  Sometimes adding friends into the mix causes conflict between my older two and they do play nicely together when it's just the two of them (most of the time).  Introvert Dad is great about respecting my need for quiet time to myself so he doesn't have a problem with me hiding out in our bedroom to nap or read or whatever.

It may sound like there's no room in my life for spontaneity after reading these tips.  I'm not always so rigid with the rules.  It just depends on what we're doing.  Also, with summer upon us, there's less hustle and bustle with timings and having to get things organized for school, so it's easy to be laidback and let go a bit.  Do any of my fellow introvert moms have tips for handling social obligations with kids?